“Are you ready, Parents?”
(submitted by Hasmik Hovhannisyan)
“Our youth now love luxury. They have had manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
SOCRATES, 5TH CENTURY B.C.
Kutner, Lawrence. Making sense of your teenager. New York: William Morrow & Co., Inc. 1997.
Adolescence is a fascinating, frustrating, and confusing period not only in children’s lives but in their parents’ as well. The author’s fundamental premise is that parents know their children more thoroughly than anyone else – even if there are moments when it feels as if they are strangers. This book gives parents some insights and some specific tools both to understand teenage children and to help parents to develop their own custom-made solutions to problems that arise. Two key elements of these solutions are attitude and knowledge.
The author discusses different topics such as parent-child communication, physical and emotional development, friends and peer pressure and so on. For each of these topics he gives some ideas that may help in parent-teenager relationship. For example, he advises parents not to tease teenagers about how they’re changing. While the intent may be good, adolescents are likely to interpret such teasing as a sign that there’s something wrong with them. He advises parents to set limits on children’s behavior, not their emotions – parents should accept teenager’s feelings, but they don’t have to accept her/his behavior. He advises parents to keep talking to their children, even if they seem not to be listening – in reality teenagers are paying closer attention than they are willing to admit.
The author discusses parent-child relationship during such a big decision of a child’s life as going to college and such a big decision in a parent’s life as letting a child go.
He advises students not to put too much faith in different rank-ordering of schools. “While it may sound prestigious to have a Nobel laureate or two on the faculty, …(they) have little or no interaction with …students” (p.179).
The author describes the emotions of the freshmen year – students feel ambivalent, lonely, and perhaps a bit abandoned. “In some ways, it is like moving to a foreign country” (p.189) - a new culture, a new language, a new food. The author advises
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parents visiting a child at college to treat them as adults and accept the fact that their child is living different life now.
The author gives several guidelines for a returning young adult – I was surprised by his idea of written contract between parents and a child that includes almost everything: how long will the child stay, how much she will pay, a parental control (no parental control over what the child eats, how she dresses or her sexual activity). “Allow your child to make mistakes and recover from those mistakes by herself.” (p.207).
Walsh, David. Why do they act that way? (A survival guide to the adolescent brain for you and your teen). New-York – London – Toronto – Sydney: Free Press. 2004.
Adults talk about each generation of adolescents as evidence that the world is galling apart. This is strange because every adult was once an adolescent.
Adolescence is one of the most challenging periods for parents because so much is in flux. The teenage years are in-between stage; it is sometimes awkward and difficult to know how to treat adolescents. They are no longer children, but they are also not yet adults. The rules, the roles, and the roads to travel are indistinct or too various to count. The in-between stage leaves everyone guessing what is appropriate and what is healthy.
The author explains the changes in teens’ brain and shows parents how to use this information to understand, communicate with and stay connected to their kids. On many chapters of this book the authors presents a ”Parental survival kit” that contains the knowledge, attitude, and skills parents need for the adventure of raising teenager.
Research shows that adolescence is getting longer. Today the average age of the first signs of puberty is 12. The end of adolescence is also coming later in life. In today’s society, most young people need a postsecondary education or further training. As a result, many are not taking on adult roles, steady jobs, or real responsibilities until they are as old as 25. In the recent past adolescence lasted 4 years. Today it can last a full 15 years. Managing in-between stage for more than a decade is really difficult.
Research shows that the common characteristics for kids who thrive in adolescence is that they have adults in their lives who care about them, pay attention to them, and love them. There are several ways of showing love – to emphasize the positives, to admit it if parents themselves are wrong, and to them children that they are loved.
The goal of parenting is not to help them avoid all mistakes – it is impossible. Rather than sheltering adolescents from life parents need to help them learn to deal with it. Control is not the key. Connection is.
“Adolescence is not a problem to be lived. It is an experience to be lived”.
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Steinberg, Lawrence, and Ann Levine. You and your adolescent (A parent’s guide for ages 10-20). New-York: Harper & Row. 1990.
The authors stat with book with good news about adolescence:” Relax! The horror stories you have heard about adolescence are false”.
According to the research
The book is organized the following way: the basics (all about family); the preteen: from 10-13; the teens: from 14-17; and toward adulthood; from 18-20. The authors explain the changes adolescents undergo at any given age group, their thinking and feelings, their school and social lives, and how they perceive the parents.
I was surprised that the section: the teen: from14-17 the authors started from discussing sex and drug and alcohol use in high school and only at the very end of this sections they talk about school and work.
The authors emphasize why parental involvement in high school is critical:
Schneider, Barbara & David Stevenson. The ambitious generation: America’s teenagers, motivated but directionless. New Haven and London: Yale University Press. 1999.
The authors conducted a longitudinal study of American teenager: first at the eight grade and then in 2 years at the tenth grate. They found that large number of them expected to become college graduate and to work as professionals. This was an indication of a significant rise in the ambitions of American adolescents. Today more than 90% of high school seniors expect to attend college, and more than 70% expect to work in professional jobs while four decades ago only 55% expecting to attend college and 42%
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expecting to work in professional jobs. The magnitude of change (compared to previous generations) that authors were describing was dramatic, and it appeared to be occurring
among males and females as well as adolescents from different racial and ethnic groups. These rising ambitions were not limited to students from high- and middle-income families.
Ambitions play an important role in the lives of adolescents. They shape their images of their future, of what they are going to become, and what path they will choose to take. Most high school students have high ambitions but no clear life plans for reaching them. The authors called them “drifting dreamers” – adolescents with limited knowledge about their chosen occupation, about educational requirements, or about future demands for these occupations. The number of adolescents aspiring to become lawyers and judges is 5 times the projected number needed; the number who wants to become writers, artists, entertainers, athletes is 14 times the anticipated openings.
Adolescent need help in developing aligned ambitions. When parents provide
knowledge about career plans or ways to acquire such knowledge, teenagers can
create a plan for reaching their goals. According to the authors adolescents with aligned
ambitions who aspire to professional and advanced degrees spend a significant amount of
time with their parents discussing actions and strategies to help them reach their
ambitions.
Hernandez, Michelle A. A is for admission (The insider’s guide to getting into the Ivy League and other top colleges). Warner Books, A Time Warner Co. 1997.
This book is an insider’s look at a college admissions process. The author reveals the truth behind decision-making procedures in competitive colleges (particularly, Dartmouth college). She discusses how admissions officers rank application (the academic index), how they read them, how important is school (including kindergarten), etc.
The author introduces the typical admission officer who can be representative of two common groups:
1. Highly talented recent college graduate from either that particular college or another highly selective college. They are usually bright, risk-taking individuals,
who are in touch with current students on a day-to-day basis, since they run most
of the students programs.
2. “Lifers”, people from al walks of life that for some reason got into admissions. The majority of them did not graduate from any highly selective college, let alone an Ivy League one.
They are the “judges” who will evaluate student’s application and virtually decide whether he/she will be accepted or nor.
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The author takes you step by step through all items of any application and talks about their importance in the admissions process. She talks about one of the central mysteries of the Ivy League admissions process, the academic index (AI) – a formula that combines
the averages of student test scores (both SAT Is and SAT IIs) and high school rank in class (represented by Ivy League invention, the converted rank score, or CRS). Knowing the academic index, along with having a complete understanding of how applicants are evaluated, will give one a good idea of what are ones chances are for gaining admissions to an Ivy League or highly selective college.
Tornatzky, L. G., Cutler, R., Lee, J. What Latino parents need to know and why they don’t know it.( 2002). Retrieved May 25, 2006, from
In order to make a successful transition between high school and college, Latino youth need to move through a number of milestones and prerequisites. Unfortunately, Latinos, both foreign born and native born, have the lowest high school completion rate of any major ethnic group and projected to have the lowest percent of college graduation by the year 2015. Through the high school years parents have to be actively involved in shepherding their children through this process. The focus of this study was how and to what extent Latino parents acquire college knowledge.
The results showed that College knowledge was objectively low among the Latino parents surveyed. A majority could be considered as having failed the mini-test of college (mini-test is attached to this report) the knowledge as 65.7% of the patents missed at least half of the questions. As a result, children of these parents are likely to miss out at one or more crucial steps in getting qualified for college. These knowledge deficits were significantly more evident among parents with lower incomes and educational backgrounds as well as among first-generation immigrants.
This report gives recommendations that if implemented will help Latinos to increase their representation in colleges.
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Goodwin, A. L., King, S. H. Culturally responsive parental involvement: concrete understanding and basic strategies. (2002). Retrieved May 27, 2006 from
The authors use the parent inclusively to indicate any adult person who has responsibility for the care and welfare of a child within a family grouping or family community.
It is known that strong parental involvement in child’s education and school environment is essential to the success of the child and the school. School norms and structures have historically been and continue to be, most responsive to parents who are middle-classable-bodied, US-born, and standard-English-speaking individuals. Although these norms seem firmly entrenched in most schools, there is an urgent need for schools to include more diverse populations as the nation’s demographics continue to change.
The report describes key assumptions of culturally responsive parental involvement:
The report examines common misconceptions:
The report presents concrete steps for initiating responsive parental involvement:
Strage, A. A. (1998). Family context variables and the development of self-regulation in college students. Adolescence, 33, 17.
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This research paper proposes a conceptual framework for examining the relationship between family context variables and the development of self-regulation skills. It also
presents initial findings from a study of the parental practices and values associated with academic self-regulation in college students. A sample of 465 students completed
the 104-item Student Survey.
Perceptions of parents as authoritative and of family as emotionally close were found to be predictive of
1. general confidence and positive sense of self,
2. positive goal-orientation at school,
3. general concern about preparation for the future,
4. positive adjustment to college,
5. students' rating their introductory psychology course as interesting and supportive,
6. favorable ratings of their time and effort management and note-taking skills,
7. strong agreement with a series of items reflecting components of self-regulated
learning.
Perceptions of parents as authoritarian and of family as nagging or enmeshed were also predictive of concern about preparation for the future. These family profiles were generally predictive of students' rating their introductory psychology course as difficult, and of time and effort management difficulties.
The patterns linking family background profiles with course perceptions, study habits, and individual indices of self-regulated learning persisted even when students' sense of
confidence was factored out, and were strong for students living with their parents as well as for those living on their own.
Immerwahr, J. Great expectations: how the public and parents – White, African American and Hispanic – view higher education. (2000). Retrieved May 26, 2006 from http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/Home.portal?_nfpb=true&eric_viewStyle=list&ERICExtSearch_SearchValue_0=parents%2Bcollege&NARROWpubDateRangeTo=2006&ERICExtSearch_SearchType_0=kw&ERICExtSearch_FullText=true&pageSize=10&eric_displayNtriever=true&eric_displayStartCount=1&NARROWpubDateRangeFrom=2000&_pageLabel=RecordDetails&objectId=0900000b80122712&accno=ED444405
In an effort to refute the claim that minority group parents do not value higher education as highly as other parents, this study surveyed 202 Hispanic, 202 African American and 201 white parents of high school students. The study found that
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expectations on a college education, and African American and Hispanic parents
give college an even higher priority than do white parents.
Carnevale, A. P., Fry R. Crossing the great divide: can we achieve equity when Generation Y goes to college? (2000). Retrieved May 26, 2006 from
http://www.eric.ed.gov/ERICDocs/data/ericdocs2/content_storage_01/0000000b/80/22/37/4f.pdf
This report synthesizes the available information on impending state demographic changes and their implications for the volume and diversity of undergraduate enrollment for each state. Projections derived from U.S. Census figures are that, between 1995 and 2015, the number of undergraduates will grow by 19%, to about 16 million. Contributing to this increase will be the arrival on campus of children born to post – World War II baby boomer parents, “Generation Y.” Enrollments will also increase because of returning adults (pressure on older workers to add to their skills), enrollments of foreign students, and modest improvements in the readiness of U.S. youth to do college work. By 2015, 80% of the 2.6 million new students will be minorities: African American, Hispanic, and Asian/Pacific Islander. Minority enrollment will be about 37.2%. The increase among African Americans will be modest, but Asian Americans on campus will increase grammatically, as will Hispanic Americans. The percentage of white students on campus is expected to fall by 7.8 percentage points. In the District of Columbia and Hawaii, California, and New Mexico, minority undergraduates will exceed whites in 2015. Nevertheless, the share of 18-to-24-year-old African American and Hispanic undergraduates will still be smaller than their proportions in the same age group overall. Closing the remaining gap in minority undergraduate enrollment should be a high national priority.